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[a_brother]

My dear brothers and sisters in Christ, this being my first post on this site, i am not quite sure of the format etc, but i wanted a ask some advice about a problem i have been having.

I should start by saying that i still at school. A coupe of years ago my friends saw by mistake that i was wearing a cilice. Up untill that point the only contact they had had with mortification of the flesh is the da-vinci code, which, as you can imagine, is not the best of introductions. Since not many of them are Christians, they have been spreading all sorts of rumours about me and generally making life difficult. I have not since then worn a cilice incase they saw it again.I have instead done other small penances, such as sleeping on the floor once a week etc. I would like to wear a cilice again but a quite afraid, what do you advise about it?

[Dark Knight]

Hi a brother

i would definatley talk to my parish priest about this, there are people on this forum with experience but somebody who knows you well would be better i think.

It sits a little uncomfortable with me that somebody so young is using the Cilice, i am not saying that you shouldnt its just that I am no authority on these things myself. I hope this isnt to patronising ? Your probaly much more spiritually developed than I.

A Spriritual director/ Parish priest who knows you and understands might see it differently. Trust God, pray and check the advice that you feel you have recieved and all will be well..

Fraternally yours

[a_brother]

Thankyou, i will.

With regard to my age, which i can imagine could be concerning: mortification first came to my attention when i read the life of saint Dominic-Savio, who i think was about 14 when he was made a saint. I am much older than that and dont think it is really a problem, but thankyou for your concern, i hope it doesnt worry you. When i said 'i am in school', i probably would have been more accurate to say 'i am just leaving school'.

[Robert]

how open do (did) you wear a cilice? If you just be careful, then I think wearing one under some pants should be pretty discrete. And if your friends keep bothering you about it... just ignore them... and... using a very old phrase.. "friends who dont like you for who you are, are not very good friends"..

what a lame phrase!

-Robert!

[a_brother]

Thats true. I try to be very discrete, for, as the Lord says "tu autem cum orabis intra in cubiculum tuum et cluso ostio tuo ora Patrem tuum in abscondito et Pater tuus qui videt in abscondito reddet tibi". The problem is that i go to boarding school and it is not always so easy. I have my own room and stuff, but i can never get away from it. When they found out i was wearing it under my trousers, but someone played a trick on me which basicly ended in me standing in just my boxer shorts (wow that was embarasing). Anyway, you get the idea of the kind of environment i live in. For months after i had people coming up to me and randomly hitting me on the thigh, despite the fact i wasnt wearing a cilice, expecting me to fall to a heap on the ground in pain. As if, they think i am the mad monk from the da-vinci code!

At first i just denied i was wearing one (rather stupidly), but that lasted about 30 seconds untill someone ripped my trousers down again to see. So then i tried to be honest, and i tried to explain and show them, but that just made matters worse. One boy picked up the cilice and insisted that it was so razor sharp his finger was in shreads, despite the obvious lack of either any obrasion of any kind, or any sharp object. Then came the rumour that my whole leg was one bloody mess and that i was some sort of psyco self harmer. They said that the reason i limped everywhere was because of the flesh wounds. Now, i dont know about you, but apart from the fact that i have never limped anywhere, i have never had any damage to my leg done by a cilice, and even after showing them my completely unscarred leg they still persisted that the mehod of using the cilice was exactly the same as on the da-vinci code.

So you see my predicament. If they find me wearing one again they will freak out and do God-knows-what. Last time they got one of the teachers involved, and you can imagine how that went. Luckily i managed to persuade him they were overreacting, but still, its difficult to explain...

I would like to wear one, and feel compelled to, but i am running a risk that i am aprehenive to take. Wether or not i like these people, i am stuck with them, because it is a bording school and we live together.

[Dark Knight]

Hi a brother

I understand your situation and the only thing which comes to mind is the words of St Josiemarie Escrivia in his book "The Way"

179 . Choose mortifications that don't mortify others.

Maybe some other type of Penance would be better for the time being.

I hope others with more experience will post here and advise you , Fraternally yours

[mark]

I personally would counsel you to give it up and to perform other forms pf enance at school. But to wear it - and wear it seriously - during school holidays.

there are numerous other forms of penance which can be done truly privately in the boarding school environment. I have some experince of this both personally and in repsect of younger members of my family who are in a similar position to you. Do pm if you feel like it if you would like to discuss.

May I ask if you go to a Catholic boarding school? If you do then the authorities should look after you....

Mark

[a_brother]

Thankyou for your words on my problem. I do not go to a catholic school, but would be interested to know whet you suggest for methods of penance.

[Windhover]

So you see my predicament. If they find me wearing one again they will freak out and do God-knows-what. Last time they got one of the teachers involved, and you can imagine how that went. Luckily i managed to persuade him they were overreacting, but still, its difficult to explain...

I would like to wear one, and feel compelled to, but i am running a risk that i am aprehenive to take. Wether or not i like these people, i am stuck with them, because it is a bording school and we live together.[/quote]


Looks like, albeit unintentionally, you have been made a 'Fool for Christ'. Given all the saints who have done the same, it seems you are in good company.

I agree with others here that it makes sense to practice other, less obvious, forms of penance, as long as you are at the school.

God bless you, brother.

[mark]

Thankyou for your words on my problem. I do not go to a catholic school, but would be interested to know whet you suggest for methods of penance.

I have a young cousin who is now 20 but a few years ago was in your position - he was committed to penance but also attended a non-Catholic boarding school with single rooms for sixth formers. Below is my summary of his thoughts and memories of how he dealt with the issues.

It probably is dangerous to wear the cilice under trousers when "out and about" in school. But there are long times when the cilice can be worn, for eaxmple when saying morning and night prayers and making your nightly Examination of Conscience. You say you sleep on the floor once a week, which is proper. One other approriate penance is to get up in the middle of the night and say apprpriate prayers (such as for purity, or the litany of humility). At those times the cilice can also be worn.

My cousin walked to the catholic church in the village nearby his school for Mass on Sundays, holy days and someetimes on other days; and weekly to make his confession. He took the opportunity to wear the cilice on some of those walks and if you're not at a Catholic school I assume you have to go to Mass etc. outside school so that may be an opportunity.

The other important thing about the cilice is that wearing it is a constant reminder of God and one's religious duties and a help to avoid sin. Two suggestions for the equivalent:-

- wear a heavy crucifix - the Cross of Christ against ones chest is a reminder of His sacrifice for us all

- tie ordinary string around the thigh, not tight enought to impede circulation but tight enough to be noticed when you walk. No-one will notice it and you can be reminded each time that Christ died for us.

I think it's absolutely right that you have been given the opportunity to be a "fool for Christ": accept and be thankful for that.

Hope that helps. My cousnin says he knows how difficult it can be generally to be a committed Catholic in a secular school and he is praying for you - don't compromise the Faith!!