overcoming selfishness

[BrMichael]

Brothers and Sisters,
I want to ask for your help in overcoming a major obstacle in my life.

I believe my greatest sin is selfishness.
When I examine my life and see all the sins I commit, I ask myself why I would do those things, and the answer is usually the same - because I am selfish. If I were able to overcome my selfishness, I would then be able to avoid most of the sins which I currently commit.

I don't want to be selfish anymore. I don't like being that way, and yet I can't seem to stop.

I would welcome any opinions on how I can get this particular demon out of my heart.

Just so you will know, I am not Catholic, so suggestions that would only be specific to the Catholic faith might not work for me - however I am an open minded individual and welcome all advice.

I humbly ask your help,
Br. Michael

[BrMichael]

I found an exercise that was somewhat helpful, so I thought I would post it this morning.

It is an exercise in appreciation. I sat down and made lists of all the things that the foremost 3 people in my life have done for me. Then I wrote them letters of appreciation and thanks, naming all the things about them that I appreciate.

It hasn't cleared me of all selfishness, but it really brightened the day of the people to whom I gave the letters and it helped me focus on the needs and actions of others in my life.

It was a really great step in my battle against this trait.

[cecith]

Pray.

Do as you would be done by.

Ask the Holy Spirit for help.

And finally, accept yourself as you are, selfish. Put yourself as a child before God and say: Father you have chosen me like that: selfish and all. Though I am this way you loved me and You called me. Do with as you wish: heal me or leave me as I am now. I submit myself to you completly.

You will find peace.

[BrMichael]

Excellent advice cecith!

Thank you for reminding me that God loved me called me just as I am. I must admit, I had lost sight of that. Sometimes I approach life with the thought that once I rid myself of this trait, then I will be alright with God - I have to remember that I was loved and called just as I am.

Not that I will stop working on myself! It's just nice to be reminded that I am loved already.

[BrMichael]

I have finally made some progress in overcoming my selfishness.

I did as cecith suggested, submitted myself to God and God's will.

In no time, God presented me with a penance partner - someone with whom I discuss my selfish nature and my penance for it. My partner and I decided on some very harsh and painful penance and it helped greatly. Then my partner went one step further - he said that next time I act selfishly, he will do the penance for it.

Knowing that he was sincere and that he will suffer a harsh penance for my sins really helped to highlight how much other people suffer when I act in ways I shouldn't. I now want so much to keep others from suffering from my actions, that I have been much less selfish.

God is acting in my life to really change my heart, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

[BrMichael]

An update and a new dilema:

First the update - In a post above I talked about an exercise involving writing letters of appreciation. Well, one of mine backfired very badly. One of the people to whom I wrote has been angry about the letter.
Before I wrote it, she had said many times to me that no one appreciated how hard she worked. I truly do appreciate her work, so, when I wrote to her, I mentioned several things about how much I appreciate all her hard work. She now says that I only care about her because of how hard she works, not who she is as a person. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I just wanted to warn anyone who might try the exercise. It can turn out very badly.

Now the new dilema: Again, it's about selfishness.
I may have another surgery coming up. My wife doesn't like the surgeon because he was short with her on the phone. I may not have another chance to have this surgery done. There is not another surgeon in town that does this procedure and my insurance won't cover ones outside of my area.

Now I am torn between defending my wife to the doctor and terminating my relationship with him (and therefore canceling my surgery) or keeping quiet about how my wife feels and having the surgery done.

I do need this surgery, but it is not a matter of life or death. I'm only in some occasional pain and suffering some side effects of the medicine I must take because of the problem. Having the surgery would mean no more pain, no more side effects from medicine, and it would eliminate the possibility of the condition getting worse in the future.

However -
Not defending my wife could mean that I lose her and I'm nothing without her. There was a time in the past when I failed to defend her (to a doctor who was rude) and she said if it ever happens again that she will leave me. She is the best thing about me and I love her dearly. I'd rather be in a little physical pain than be without her.

I'm doing my pre op visit today and maybe I am just being selfish to even keep the appointment since my wife dislikes the doctor so much.

I worry that maybe I should just show up to tell the doctor off for being short with my wife. I have prayed a lot but I still don't know what to do.

Please pray for me that I might handle this correctly and not selfishly.

Sincerely, thank you,
Michael