Although a member for sometime, I have not yet introduced myself and so far, have been content to read the postings of others on this very personal but intriguing subject.
However this latest posting by you has persuaded me to reply to you with some advice.
The general use of the corporal penances (except fasting by those in good health and appropriate age) was discouraged by Vatican II both in religious Orders and by the laity except in strictly controlled circumstances under the direction of an experienced Priest or Spiritual Adviser, to whom you would owe strict obedience to his/her advice.
You do not say whether you have such an adviser but if you have not, you need to take great care that your emotions do not lead you into excesses that could be interpreted as self abuse. If you cannot find a suitable adviser then moderation and prayer must be your watch word!
I am happy to discuss this further with you either on this forum or by private correspondence.
God bless, Ian